Transformers: The Last Knight
Cast: Mark Wahlberg, Laura Haddock, Josh Duhamel
Director: Michael Bay
By: Myri Nieves
Remember when Michael Bay announced he would direct the new wave of Transformers and all your hopes and dreams soared in the sky like Dinobots? You thought, ‘yeah, here’s this guy who loves explosions and excessive CGI and he’s going to make the Transformers even more awesome!’ and after the first film, your faith could’ve been slightly cemented on this fact. Then came the second, and the third, and you pretty much stuck to the animated series because you couldn’t take it anymore. Welcome to the fifth installment of Michael Bay’s Transformers, where your curiosity will kill every cat within a five-meter parameter. Strap into your dragonbot because this is going to be a bumpy ride.
Our story begins in what appears to be a war-ridden world between man and machine. All Transformers, even Autobots, are considered the enemy of the human race. Enter Mark Wahlberg, the savior of all Transformers, who actually does not save a single bot in the movie. For some reason, this war apparently has not reached the South or even overseas, yet appears it has for just half the states, as Cade Yeager (Wahlberg) has his hiding spot in the South where he is hiding Autobots and baby dinosaur Transformers. Don’t worry; I won’t speak on those again because they serve no purpose to the film except being cute. If you expected them to grow and become a complete bad ass, like on Game of Thrones, you are very much mistaken.
A medallion is given to Cade by a dying Knight Transformer and this activates some sort of space censor that alerts the people on Cybertron that this medallion is in place. Optimus Prime is floating in space and gets captured and turned into Nemesis Prime through his guilt, vowing to destroy the Earth in order to restore Cybertron. Meanwhile, on Earth, more unnecessary plot points happen and Megatron wants part of his clan released for some unknown reason because they are never used. Not learning from his disastrous attempt at being funny in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, Michael Bay once again enlists help in culturally offensive robots, who this time is a Decepticon. This wouldn’t be a Michael Bay film without sexist dialogue and misogynistic behavior towards women throughout the film.
Sir Anthony Hopkins, more than likely was bored and in his home thinking, “what could I possibly do to ruin my career?” and thought this film would be the challenge of the century to see if it were possible. After all, what else does a legend do in their spare time? With the help of Vivian Wembley (Laura Haddock) an Oxford history professor, who was apparently completely oblivious to her family history even though she is seen teaching Medieval Studies, they set out with Cade to find the staff of Merlin which is the only tool left to destroy something they never truly make clear and save the world. It is also stated that Cade is the famous Last Knight who can help Vivian in saving the planet. More unnecessary and drawn out plot points happen until they retrieve the staff by some complicated underwater subplot that no one followed and Nemesis Prime magically appears, even though everyone is tracking his moves no one saw him coming, and steals the staff.
Not to be outdone by magical appearances, Megatron also appears out of nowhere and takes the staff after Nemesis becomes Prime again after Bumblebee speaks with his own voice and snaps him out of his possessed state. Cade saves Prime from destruction from the bots who want to kill him for betraying the powers of the staff by wielding his medallion turned sword, which he loses and his one ultimate power that stops bots, is never seen again. The film continuously delivers subplots within the plots until you’re left with nothing but confusion and regret, much like you would feel after a night of binge drinking. Michael Bay was quoted saying he didn’t make this film for critics, or fans, which clearly shows, as this movie is so bloated with ridiculous dialogue, poor script, and even hard to follow CGI. How could a film that relies heavily on CGI be bloated by ridiculous dialogue? This question still haunts me.
Transformers: The Last Knight is in theaters now, but you might have a better time finding logic from Tom Cruise’s disaster; The Mummy.
Official Fearless Rating: ✰